Took the day off today. Been feeling generally depressed lately, and thought that an extra long weekend may be the answer. Did it help? Not sure, the verdict is still out. One thing is for sure, i feel more than a tad bit lonely. The funny thing is that i thought that's what i wanted.
I forget who it was who said that human beings are "social animals". And in theory, it looks as though that's exactly what we are. We are dependent on others for survival, for pleasure, for the ability to achieve the higher orders of Maslow's Hierarchy.
From the moment we're born we need someone. Normally this is our mother, our father, or some parent figure on who we rely. Some of us feed off our mother's milk, most of us rely on our parents on that first day to school when everything just seems so large and scary. On that first attempt at walking, someone holds our hand, someone picks us up each time we fall learning how to ride a bicycle. Our teachers in school teach us the alphabet, simple subtraction and multiplication and the difference between a Shakespearean and Italian sonnet. At work, working in a team is the only means of success; often a person's ability to properly build a business network is vital for financial success.
We are not alone. And i don't mean aliens or God.
I've always been a very private person. I keep to myself a lot. Always been that way and although, on the surface, that seems to have changed, it hasn't really. Some of my best moments have been those spent alone, deep in thought, listening to music, or curled up with a good book. And i thought that what i needed this weekend: some quiet away from everything and everyone, just to recharge the batteries and return to peak efficiency.
And i got what i wished for. 48 hours of pure, unadulterated time away from the world, tied away in my room, sleeping, watching the tv, catching up on my readings. At the end of that time, just about right now, i suddenly realize that maybe this is not what i really wanted all along. Its almost as though i've been waiting for someone. I thought that someone is me, but quite possibly i've been mistaken.
After a planless, clueless, directionless extended weekend, the only health i've regained is physical. I'm missing something that will complete me. If there's anything good that has come out of this, its the fact that i realize this fact.
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