Every once in a while, people come to me with their problems. I listen to what they have to say, nod sagely at the appropriate times, and use up some brain power to think their problem through. Sometimes, i'm left with nothing to say; either i'm unable to help or offer anything meaningful. And when that happens, i feel helpless.
As far as women are concerned, that's often not a bad thing (or so i've been told).
With men, there is a phrase that rings true: "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." When a man comes to you for help, you're expected to be able to help. You're expected to be able to contribute constructively somehow; otherwise, you wouldn't have been approached in the first place. I know i'm that way, and i know most of my males friends are that way too. But women are different, and dealing with them the way you would a man is not necessarily the best course.
She needs someone to listen to her
A lady friend of mine came to me the other day, relating to me a problem she was facing. Listening to her, i tried to understand what her issues were. At some point, i said to her, "Ok, i think i know how to fix your problem." Apparently, that was the wrong response as she replied, "You're such a typical male.".
As it turns out, she didn't want me to "fix" her problem. She wanted me to give her support, to listen without offering, to sympathize, to show empathy, and then, maybe, just maybe, try to come up with a solution. A solution is not an immediate priority, and that strikes me as a very foreign idea.
If there is a problem, a solution IS the priority, isn't it? For women (i guess, it also depends on the type and urgency of the problem), the solution isn't always everything. Assumption or fact?
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