Dear {a friend},
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship hit a small bump. Its not an unusual thing, really. A loving relationship is about living with that person, good and bad. Realistically, this does take some adjustment - we have to change our perceptions, expectations and conclusions at times in order to accomodate for the uniqueness that is our partner. So what you're going through now... don't take it too badly. Remember, what makes a situation good or bad is not the situation itself but how we react to it.
As i see it from what you've told me, there are issues of trust and consideration at play here. You don't trust him as much as he would like, and he is not as considerate to you as you would like.
Was going through his email a good idea? Maybe, it was. If you don't trust him, or if you wanted to find something that you could use to confront him with, that would probably be the way to do it. After all, what people write in their email to others, things that they think would remain private, would normally reflect what they truly think and believe. If you wanted to know what is really going on in his mind, and how he communicates this with others, then some discreet spying justifies this end. It doesn't necessarily make it right, but what choice did you have, especially since you didn't think he was being completely honest with you.
But you really shouldn't have allowed yourself to get caught! :) That changes things considerably, and now he knows that you don't trust him. you're going to have to deal with the consequences of that slip, but i believe that enough TLC will smooth things over. After all, he does love you and you do love him. I'm sure, he has already accepted your apology.
You have to wonder why he didn't blow up when he did catch you... if it were me, i probably would have lost my top. You're lucky then to have a patient, mature lover. But also, i think, he didn't get angry because he really has nothing to hide. People who lose their temper in such situations do so because they are afraid that they've been found out, and that mix of emotion is usually pretty volatile.
Maybe, in the future, it would be better to open up to him more about your fears and feelings, your insecurities and uncertainties. As you once told me, communication is the key to a successful relationship. Sneaking into his mailbox when he's not looking or going through his letters is not an indication of good communication. From what you've told me, he's an open man. Isn't one of the reasons why you love him because he IS so easy to talk to? Don't forget that.
To be fair, i suppose, some of his actions have been... questionable. Not outright nasty, but i do understand how they may raise some doubts in your mind. That's why i would label him inconsiderate. Not really done anything outright wrong, but doing things in a way that are insensitive to your feelings. That's his fault.
Not to say that whatever he has done is right, but maybe i can provide some explanation why he did it.
Men generally tend to have an eye for beautiful women. If one happens to cross his path, its a bit difficult for him not to notice. If the lady is particularly beautiful, you may even expect him to stare a little.
Your guy seems the friendly sort. When i met him the other time, he seems to be the type who could strike up a conversation out of nothing with anyone. Quite a chatter box he is - not sure whether he's like that all the time, but that's the impression i have when he's around people. In a crowd, he does tend to stand out because of it. Because of it, i would expect that he has a lot of friends and that he makes new ones easily. Its a bit hard to expect that he will stop being this way now that he's with you. Its even harder to expect him to only have male friends, or even female friends who are absolutely unattractive. Possibly, the way he goes around with these friendships may be a bit uncomfortable for you: he chats up beautiful women, he writes to them, he calls them and is not uncomfortable accepting their calls.
But he's this way with everyone, male or female, good looking or not. It seems to me that you've chosen to focus on his friendships with women; when you do this, of course things won't look very good and issues of trust/mistrust will begin to appear.
Surely, a compromise can be found here. You two obviously love each other very much. If he has been open with you (as open as you can expect someone to be), then i suggest you be that way with him as well. Don't wait until things have gone over a boil before bringing them up. A relationship is not a game of poker. You don't have to hide your hand and expect him to show you his first.
Hope this has helped. I'm sure you can both work things out together, given a bit of patience, love and luck.
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