Being unmarried, it is an interesting experience to be around other men who are and are willing to talk openly about their marriages. When these men have been married for a fair number of years, with a few children, its interesting to note that their perspective on marriage is a lot different from what i thought i would be, or what i've imagined it to be.
I think i'm realistic enough to understand that when two people live together, "smooth sailing" is a phrase that will be uncommonly heard. Life on your own is complicated enough, add to the mix a spouse and children, and things get exponentially more difficult.
Its sorta like a trade off i think - with marriage you receive the security of companionship, the knowledge that you are giving back to society through your kids. Old age, in theory, would be that much more tolerable. But that's just the sunny side of things: a nagging wife who doesn't understand why you have to go for long business trips, or come home late at night, crazy kids who have the energy that we used to have and expects us to have the same, the mortgage, bills, etc. It all adds up. Its not easy.
But it can be made relatively easier. Communication with the spouse is important. The rotan (cane) does help keep the kids' discipline. Dad used to cane me when i was naughty, a few strokes across the bum is a darn good educator: i don't resent him for it; i love him all the same.
So last Saturday night, i asked the 5 married men i was having coffee with: what would make a perfect marriage?
The answer of universal agreement: a deaf husband and a blind wife.
