"When I was in religious school, we studied about this topic too, and the ustazah said that the reason why the power of talaq is in the hands of men is because women are more prone to emotional imbalances and thus, may make decisions rashly/on a whim... just imagine how dangerous it is if the power of declaring talaq is in the hands of women. We'll have couples divorcing left and right, and the divorce rate would be shooting sky-high..."
The above is a comment addressing my previous posting. I am not singling out the author in any way or form; but i am singling out the principle in the message for particular criticism as i've found this same message repeated too often by too many people. This is a topic i feel strong about, and my response to this comment is as below:
I appreciate your view where you believe that "fairness essentially balances out in a marriage". But i think the problem with your opinion is that it is based upon reasoning provided to you by persons who want us to believe that its actually fair for only the husband to have the power to divorce i.e. your ustazah.
In my experience which such religious authorities is that they try to find a reason to justify the rule rather than analyze the impact of the rule itself i.e. divorce being in the hands of the male.
Just by scraping the surface of analysis you (and your ustazah) would be able to see that the inability for a woman to divorce her husband essentially traps the woman into a situation in which she doesn't want to be in.
Her husband takes a second wife. She can't live in this marriage. She wants out because her husband wants to sleep with her after sleeping with another woman (legal wife or not). To her, that is utterly repulsive and unacceptable. He refuses to divorce her, possibly out of spite, possibly because he is dependent on her family's wealth or connections to sustain his business, or possibly just for about any reason that he wants. This essentially traps her within the marriage.
Sure, as sani points out, talaq khuluq is possible when she can petition the court to force a divorce. But precendent has shown that courts rarely allow this, and even when they do, the courts will subject the wife to months of pressure to reconsider i.e. forces her to attend counselling sessions, etc.
The point of my article was to show that when a woman wants a divorce, truly wants one and not one that is "hormone induced" or because she is irrational when she is PMSing, or because she is an emotional being that doesn't know what's best for herself (frankly i find this line of argumentation insulting to women, and for women to themselves suggest it as an excuse is probably symptomatic of the type of cultural brainwashing that society subjects us to), she can't get one with the same ease and purpose as a man. To me, that is basely unfair.
Leave a comment