I'm a sexual magnet. No, not THAT type, no where near that type methinks. But i seem to attract men and women who want to talk about sex. No, not THOSE types of conversations. These past couple of weeks, i've had conversations with half a dozen people about their sexual insecurities, sexual problems and how to solve them. Has word been getting around that i'm some sort of sexual therapist? I can assure you that i'm not.
There was one conversation that interested me enough to do more research on, findings of which i will now share.
A friend told me over lunch last week that she was afraid of sleeping with her boyfriend. I asked her why: did she feel that it was religiously wrong to do so? Did she want to wait for the "right" guy? Did her boyfriend indicate that if she didn't sleep with him, he would leave her? Is he a rough person and she was afraid that he would hurt her in bed?
No, she said. She was afraid because she was a virgin.
Ok, that seemed to narrow things down a bit. Was she afraid because she had never had sex before and was afraid of disappointing him? Was she afraid because of the horror stories (all false, of course) that she had heard about a "woman's first time"? Was she afraid of giving her virginity to a man who might leave her?
No, she said. She was afraid that people might find out. She asked me whether people could tell if a woman was no longer a virgin. What were the "signs of virginity"?
Gosh. Good question that. I had no honest answer simply because i didn't know.
She wanted to sleep with her boyfriend. She loved him and she was very sure he loved her. But she didn't want anyone finding out, especially her family and friends. She also considered the possibility that she may marry another man; who knows what the future holds. Would HE know that she wasn't a virgin? Would he be disappointed?
I've found that the best way to understand something is by asking questions, so i did. In no particular order, i asked her the following:
1. Do you understand what it means to be a virgin?
2. How do know whether your mother is a virgin? How do you know whether your best female friend is a virgin? How do you know whether anyone is a virgin? Have you asked them?
3. Would it matter to you if your future husband was NOT a virgin?
4. SHOULD it matter to your husband whether or not you are virgin?
5. What would happen if the people you didn't want finding out found out? Are you prepared to deal with those consequences?
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