The value of a woman

Its an unfortunate truth that the Malay society "values" women according to their perceived perfections and imperfections.

An unmarried virgin is the expected standard. An unmarried woman who is not a virgin has a lower "value". This is what my parents tell my sisters, and i'm sure the same message is repeated in an overwhelming majority of Malay households.

Men should marry women who have not been married before. Why? Widows and divorcees have lower "market values". I once entertained the "what if" thought of marrying a woman who has been married before. I argued with my mom for an hour - i said i prefer mature woman and a woman who has been married before, arguably, is more mature and experienced than a woman of comparable age who has not been married before. The counter argument was that there are so many never-married before women out there - why pick one that has had the "nectar sucked out of her"?

A woman who has fair skin is "valued greater" than one with dark skin. Its almost as though there is an intra-race brand of racism - Malays divide and prejudice amongst themselves. I do wonder how this came about. An informal caste system has been created with rules that don't belong in a modern society.

Of course, the Malays are not the only ones to judge the value of women - i'm sure other societies do it as well. Why does this culture exist? Perhaps one answer lies in the patriarchial structures that still dominate, by and large, gender relations amongst the Malays. Women are valued by what is desirable by men, and the society (of a patriarchial nature), in turn, values women in relation to that desire. As a race, the Malays have come a long way, but perhaps not where it counts. Money we have, position we have, education we have - but we still don't understand so many things.