Islamic family law

{ a friend }: u know what?
{ a friend }: last week kitorang gi kursus kawen
Aizuddin: and?
{ a friend }: it's sooo enlightening
{ a friend }: *smiley*
{ a friend }: u should go, bring zura along
{ a friend }: just for the heck of it
Aizuddin: enlightening in what way?
{ a friend }: like, u know your rights as a wife
{ a friend }: and it's untrue that women are discriminated through islamic law
{ a friend }: the law is actually very balanced
Aizuddin: there are portions of it that make it difficult to be a woman
Aizuddin: for example, if a woman wants a divorce, she needs to petition the courts to force her husband to divorce her
Aizuddin: the husband doesn't even need to consult the courts
Aizuddin: he can divorce his wife anytime, for any reason whatsoever
Aizuddin: in the area of divorce law, there is an imbalance, if not in theory, at least in practice
{ a friend }: well, if she has facts/valid reasons to divorce the hubby, the court can accept the petition
{ a friend }: like kalau takde nafkah ke, or abuse ke, or not responsible
Aizuddin: yeah, but the point is that she has to ask the courts to intervene
Aizuddin: a husband doesn't need the courts permission to divorce his wife
{ a friend }: of course she has to because it is in the nature of women to be compulsive in behaviour, especially when she's emotional
Aizuddin: oh that's so crap
Aizuddin: men are equally emotional
Aizuddin: e.g. what sort of mental state was that guy in who divorced his wife via SMS???
{ a friend }: not the majority of them
{ a friend }: but u don't hear that kind of case everyday right?
{ a friend }: the rule was made for the majority
{ a friend }: kalau nak accommodate semua, susah la
Aizuddin: but the fact is that case has set a precedent that can be followed by others
Aizuddin: and the point it that men do equally stupid things
{ a friend }: that is up to the others
Aizuddin: e.g. having an affair with another woman - that's so dumb, and it happens all the time
Aizuddin: so to say that men are more "responsible" and less "emotional" is crap
{ a friend }: men do equally stupid things LESS
Aizuddin: how many men have mistresses? vs how many women?
{ a friend }: how do u know women do not actually have sugarboys?
{ a friend }: it's not THAT much publicised
Aizuddin: no lah... there is no way to prove, one way or the other, that men are more "stable" than women, therefore, the ultimate power in the family i.e. divorce should be in their hands only
{ a friend }: as opposed to men having mistresses
{ a friend }: but it has been proven in science that men are more emotionally-stable than women in majority
Aizuddin: no need lah to look at publicity - just look among your friends and relatives and you'll be able to see siapa yang lebih "gatal" between the genders
Aizuddin: which science? where? show me
Aizuddin: and even if there are scientific reports, i'll ask you who prepared those reports. Male scientists?
{ a friend }: ookkaaayyy]
Aizuddin: islamic family law, by and large, is very well structured
Aizuddin: and makes sense most of the time
Aizuddin: but giving the power of divorce to men, and men alone, puts ultimate power over the family in their hands, and their hands ALONE
Aizuddin: a man can force his wife to do something just be threatening to divorce her
Aizuddin: a woman can do the same, because the man knows she can't back up her threat
Aizuddin: that fact, opens an avenue of tremendous potential abuse, one which, sadly, many muslim men have been very happy to exploit
{ a friend }: but if the threats are against religon, she is not obliged to comply
Aizuddin: of course not
Aizuddin: but there are many threats that don't go anywhere near religion
{ a friend }: a woman can also threaten if the man is not doing his responsibility to the family
Aizuddin: threaten with what?
{ a friend }: the fact is, IF the man complies with the religion, bagi nafkah, etc. etc. i am pretty sure the woman will be happy to stay in that marriage
Aizuddin: "do this, or else i'll go to the courts!" - COME ON LAH - practically speaking, how many average, muslim malay women will actually do that
{ a friend }: the slightest bit of not following what the qur'an outlined, can be questioned by the woman in court, using these as reasons to file for divorce
{ a friend }: but that is their thinking la dude, come on la
{ a friend }: nasib laa kalau thinking macam tu
Aizuddin: so, that's why lah - there a disconnect between theory and practice
{ a friend }: that means thwey do not knw how to practise their rights
Aizuddin: in theory the woman can use the courts to protect her, but in reality, its not that simple
Aizuddin: there are lawyer fees to contend with
{ a friend }: well, in my case, it would be
{ a friend }: i was critised during the course tau
Aizuddin: there are the considerations of what it means to the family - suing your own husband is not something that fosters a happy family
{ a friend }: because i asked too many questions regarding divorce and women's rights
Aizuddin: there you go!
Aizuddin: there, you see, even in the marriage course, women are discouraged to talk about such matter
Aizuddin: was your marriage course conducted by a man or woman?
{ a friend }: the 'malay' thinking of the people who attended said, kenapa laa beriya2 nak tanya pasal cerai, kawin pon belum
Aizuddin: EXACTLY - you see how stacked the system is against women??
{ a friend }: both
{ a friend }: no, kejaop
{ a friend }: the people yg critise tu are the attendess
{ a friend }: bukan the facilitator
{ a friend }: aper laa u ni
{ a friend }: do not jump
{ a friend }: the thing is, if it is me, i would exercise my rights if it was outlined in islam
Aizuddin: it doesn't disprove the fact that the mentality of society is skewed wrongly
Aizuddin: attendees or facilitator who criticised you
{ a friend }: like if my hubby tak bagi nafkah, ada mistress, no responsibility to take care of the family, i would use the law to exercise my rights
{ a friend }: nauzubillah laa kan, but if it happens, i will
Aizuddin: *sigh* the point is that its very difficult for you to exercise your rights
Aizuddin: society frowns against you
Aizuddin: you actually need to use the courts
Aizuddin: there is a backlog of cases
Aizuddin: god knows when you will be heard
Aizuddin: but the same burden is not placed on your husband at all
{ a friend }: always think positive babe
Aizuddin: THAT's the point i'm driving at
{ a friend }: that is society
{ a friend }: if i were to do that, i am following my religion
{ a friend }: i don't care what the society thinks
{ a friend }: i am not the type of person that cares what the society thinks because frankly speaking, malays have a long way to go
{ a friend }: when u knw u are rgiht, Allah will help those who are dizalimi
{ a friend }: *smiley*
Aizuddin: *smiley*
Aizuddin: of course
Aizuddin: its just that i know women who have had to ask for a divorce, and, believe me babe, its a nightmare for a woman
Aizuddin: for a man, its easy, just SMS pun boleh