In the spirit of our 47th Independence Day, Jeff, TV and myself have decided to collaborate on a simple project: the Malaysia Wish List.
Ask yourself a simple question: what would make Malaysia great?
Open your mind. Use broad strokes, beyond the normal things like "a better democracy" or "a better economy". Give details, think about specific items, the smaller, the more important.
I've been trying to find information on the internet related to the custom of "hantaran" in a wedding; haven't been very successful. The best source i've found is this:
"Ada di kalangan masyarakat kita yang masih keliru antara mas kahwin dan hantaran. Realitinya, terdapat perbezaan yang ketara antara keduanya. Mas kahwin ialah pemberian wajib daripada suami kepada isterinya dan mas kahwin itu disebutkan semasa akad sama ada dibayar secara tunai atau hutang. Sementara hantaran ialah hadiah daripada suami kepada isterinya dan juga hadiah daripada isteri kepada suaminya iaitu saling bertukar hadiah sebagai tanda setuju dengan perkahwinan tersebut. Hantaran juga bukanlah perkara wajib tetapi hanyalah satu hukum adat."
Interesting -- does that mean that whatever value of gifts the groom gives his bride, a similar or equal value should be given by the bride to her groom?
Mas kahwin, or mahr, on the other hand is very much one way traffic -- its a sum of money paid by the groom to his bride to secure her hand in marriage. She does not need to pay anything in return. Although each state in Malaysia has predetermined the minimum value of the mas kahwin, there is apparently no maximum value.
"Kaum wanita berhak untuk meminta jumlah mas kahwin yang bersesuaian dengan dirinya tetapi bukanlah keterlaluan hingga menyebabkan bakal suami terpaksa berhutang. Di zaman Saidina Omar, ketika beliau cuba menetapkan kadar mas kahwin, bangun seorang wanita mempertikaikan cadangan beliau lantaran di dalam al-Quran jelas mengatakan mas kahwin adalah hak mutlak wanita. Saidina Omar akhirnya akur dengan pendapat wanita tersebut dan tiada ketetapan dibuat."
Having said that, its important to note that eventhough the mas kahwin is a woman's right, she shouldn't ask for an amount that unduly burdens her prospective husband. I've heard horror stories of men going into debt to pay the mas kahwin demanded by their wives; that can't be a good thing.
"Sememangnya terdapat hadis yang menjelaskan bahawa antara ciri-ciri wanita sholehah ialah apabila nilai mas kahwinnya rendah. Namun, harus diingat, Islam adalah bertepatan dan bersesuaian dengan setiap keadaan dan masa. Mas kahwin sepatutnya adalah sesuatu yang mampu memberi nilai kepada seorang isteri. Jika mengikut pengamalan sekarang, apakah yang boleh dibuat dengan RM22.50?"
Further reading: How to: A Malay Wedding
UPDATE: Found another interesting tid-bit that seems to put a different spin on the concept of hantaran:
"Sememangnya terdapat perbezaan di antara mas kahwin dan hantaran. Mas kahwin adalah merupakan pemberian wajib tetapi hantaran lebih merupakan hadiah kepada isteri. Ia adalah tidak wajib. Menurut akad kita, wang hantaran merupakan bantuan bagi pihak isteri untuk `belanja kahwin'. Ia dapat mengurangkan beban isteri dan keluarga isteri dalam membuat persiapan majlis perkahwinan. Ia juga boleh dianggap sebagai hadiah kepada isteri yang kini bakal menjadi pasangannya."
This tends to throw a real curve-ball into the dynamics of a wedding -- the broom therefore becomes partly responsible for the cost of the wedding conducted by the bride and fully responsible for the costs of the wedding conducted by his side of the family; in traditional customs, there are at least two wedding venues, one catering for the friends and family of the bride, and the other, perhaps a week later, catering for the groom's.
Looking at this -- does that mean that a groom needs to have enough money for 3 items:
1. His bride's mas kahwin -- there is no maximum value to this!
2. His brides's hantaran -- there is no maximum value to this either, but its somewhat mitigated by custom requiring the bride to return the gifts with items similar or greater value
3. Contribution to his bride's "belanja kahwin" -- again, there is no maximum value to this. Depending on how large the bride wants her wedding to be, and also how much her ownself, and family are willing to contribute to that wedding from their own finances, this contribution could potentially be very large (or very small). Interesting to note that no such contribution is required from the bride for the groom's wedding costs.
Malaysia celebrates its 47th Birthday tomorrow, 31 August 2004. Happy Birthday, Malaysia!
If i was the CEO of a major media/comms company, these are the sort of emails that would really drive me bonkers.
http://www.jeffooi.com/archives/2004/08/consumer_tribun.php
Some people may find this funny, but personally i am very interested to see how this one plays out. Kudos to Screenshots for bringing it to public light.
I normally refrain myself from talking about football on the VOI -- most of my football related thoughts are posted on MyNUFC.net. But today is an exception for Arsenal has done the unthinkable: they have beaten a 26-year old Nottingham Forest record and gone 43 league games unbeaten. Incredible, truly incredible. Hats off to the Gunners, a toast to your achievement.
Over the months, i've developed a healthy respect for Menj's writings -- smart fellow, well read, who can, imho, be quite abrasive and zealous about his views; that's not necessarily a bad thing, that's just the way i see him. His latest work is very good reading, though, and worth your time if you're familiar with the case of Murtad Mama.
UPDATE: I've read the whole document "exposing" Murtad Mama. While i don't think menj REALLY needed to expose her identity (what purpose does that serve? seemed a bit spiteful and unnecessary), the rest of the essay blew her assertions out of the water like a hammer used to crush a peanut. Well researched and thorough, he left no stone unturned. Good reading, and very educational.
On Saturday last, i noticed the Malay newspapers reporting that our national muftis (clerics?) were deeply upset by Suhakam's recent move to classify unconsentual sex between a husband and a wife as rape.
Reading this report was very disappointing; it seems that the religiously enlightened individuals of our society cannot be trusted to be able to distinguish between a simple matter of right and wrong. The questions they failed to answer correctly was: can a husband rape his wife? Does a wife have the right to deny her husband sex?
I recall hadiths of the Prophet saying that a wife who denies her husband sex when he wants is doing a really bad thing. And while i don't question the validity or the wisdom behind those hadiths, what i do have concerns about is how such a hadith can be used by men to sexually dominate (and even abuse) their wives. And that's simply wrong -- in the extreme, this objectifies women as tools of sexual gratification for men. I refuse to believe that the Prophet, after all the work he has done to protect women, would have meant for his hadith to be used in that manner.
A wife should be able to say "No" to her husband, given proper, non-malicious reasons. If her husband ignores this, then it is rape. And rapists should be punished.
UPDATE: Discovered later that ol' Suresh blogged about this issue too.
Lengths of time seems shorter, insignificant when you compare them against a lifetime -- as a lady philosopher once told me, this is called the "single star against the night sky" effect.
But taking a period of time on its own merits, weighing its consequences, and the amount achieved (or lost) within it, even a second could feel like forever; with the Olympics going on now, and all those athletes who are losing races by half-seconds, you would probably find many people to attest to this fact.
If a second feels like forever, then imagine what 15 months feels like. More than forever? Or the beginning of forever?
Thought for the day: a busy man has time for everything.
Bonus thought for the day: a real busy man has time for everything and doesn't look busy at all.
Ok, so sue me -- i find stuff like this particularly humourous. Hey, nobody's perfect.
In the next 3-6 months, if the prices of oil continue its steady upward trend (its already an all-time high of US$47 a barrel), Malaysia is really going to be in deep ka-ka. With the Government subsidies already running at more than RM9bn a year, the pressure may very soon hit a point where the Government will just not be able to pay anymore.
Inflation, costs of living -- everything is connected to the cost of energy i.e. oil. And its not like our salaries are increasing at the same rate. Its not a good situation, and it looks like it'll get worse before it gets better.
Btw, i hate it when stupid Government-parrots say that the cost of petrol in Malaysia is among the lowest in the region. What a load of crock. Someone needs to send these people to an Economics 101 class and learn a little something called Purchasing Power Parity. Or perhaps they already know the truth, and are just deliberately lying.
Just finished listening to an audiobook of "The Time Traveler's Wife". Oh goodness gracious -- this is a fantastic book. Cried at the end. Go buy it. You won't regret it, i promise.
If this happened in the US or UK, Mr Vellu would have left office by now; either he would have saved some dignity by resigning or the leader of the government would have sacked him. Such a public display of arrogance and "come-and-get-me-if-you-can" is just too much to tolerate.
Lucia's latest posting got me thinking: Muslim scholars (notice, i say Muslim scholars, not necessarily Islam), spend a lot of time thinking up of and putting into place preventive measures to safeguard against sexual sin.
While this is not a bad thing (the Al-Quran also prescribes preventive measures such as modest dressing and restricted contact between unmarried men and women), you just get a feeling sometimes that our pious scholars' fatwas (rulings) take things a bit too far with very minimal results i.e. have we necessarily seen a demonstrated reduction in sexual crime among Muslims?
For all the energy and zeal they possess over such matters, perhaps it would be best served if invested elsewhere. There are many more problems more pressing with the Muslim ummah than whether or not a female athlete's performance on TV makes men lustful.
Btw, i found this interesting reading: "Why does Allah allow suffering and Evil in this world?" Also, "Hijab in European Countries" and "Prophet Muhammad's Wives".
Been thinking about going to the Perhentian Islands for quite some time; procrastinated over this trip for long enough -- reading this blog finally made up my mind for me: its time to go, time to go ASAP!
Need some advice from everyone:
1. Where is a good, affordable place to stay? Preferably someplace quiet...
2. How much money should i bring for a weekend outing? Friday + Saturday + Sunday?
3. What are the "must-see" sights? And "must-do" experiences?
4. What's the night life and food scene like?
It is my great pleasure to invite you to the Cigars Malaysia Annual Dinner! The details of the event are as follows:
CIGARS MALAYSIA ANNUAL DINNER
Date: 19 August 2004 (Thursday)
Time: 8.00pm - 11.00pm
Venue:
THE LOBSTERMAN
KL Branch, 18 & 20, Jalan Delima
Off Jalan Inai/Imbi
55100 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 03-21416772
I stumbled across this very interesting, functional site: Craigslist.org. Apparently, eBay recently bought it for US$25 million or something like that. I checked it out, and, like, "Wow, this is da bomb." Wonder whether something like this would work for Project Petaling Street.
This posting is particularly disturbing, "Womb for Rent". While this is particularly funny, "Starbucks Can Kiss My Ass"!!
Are we alone in the Universe?
Have alien beings, technologically superior to us visited earth? According to a bunch of Russion scientists, they have and they've even saved the earth from destruction in 1908! Read more here, here and here.
"One scientist said based on his calculations, the mass of the space object headed for Earth in 1908 was nearly 1 billion tons. He believes the meteorite was blasted by the spaceship at an altitude of 10 kilometers to prevent the destruction of all humanity on the planet.
"I am fully confident and I can make an official statement that we were saved by some forces of a superior civilization," Yuri Lavbin said. "They exploded this enormous meteorite that headed towards us with enormous speed," he said. Now this great object that caused the meteorite to explode is found at last. We will continue our research, he said."
I knew Vince was a winner the first time i watched him perform in AF1. I feel the same way about Zahid; watching him for the first time 9 weeks ago, i knew he would make the finals, and as i watched him over the weeks, i became almost sure he'll win tomorrow night.
Will i be 2-0 with my predictions in AF? We'll see tomorrow night. Don't miss it, 8.30pm ASTRO Ria.
Have you ever noticed how the newspapers will massacre someone in the headlines and only apologize in the small print (when they realize they've made a mistake)?
I hate needles. So when a friend asked me to join her and participate in a healthy session of ozone therapy, i did a Google, found out that it involves needles, screamed, and ran for the hills.
No needles for me!
UPDATE: Or perhaps she meant the non-invasive ozone therapy -- in that case, no needles are involved. But it sounds awfully dodgy, nothing more than a souped-up sauna. Not sure how effective that would be.
Oh gosh this must be excruciatingly painful. It gives me the willies imagining it. *ouch*
It is with great interest that i read Menj's recent posting, "Christian Test 1". By applying a passage in the Gospel of Matthew, he wanted to prove that since Europe and the general Western civilization is basically bankrupt and corrupt, that means that Christianity, through the "tree of Paul", is bad. Confusing i know, but if you read menj's original post, it does make a sort of logical sense.
Whether or nor menj's assertions are correct, is beyond me -- i'm no master of comparative religion and even if i were, there is wisdom in witholding judgement. But what i will comment on is the sort of "negative politics" menj has committed.
In a political campaign, and let's just assume for a moment that the religions of the world were all political parties, there is what you call "positive politics" and "negative politics". Positive politics involves talking about the merits of your political philosohpy -- how you're going to cut taxes, how you'll reduce the national budget deficit, how you will create more jobs, etc. Negative politics involves bashing the other party -- you're wrong because your economic policy sucks, Kerry will be a useless Commander in Chief because he's a sissy liberal tree-hugging democrat, etc. etc.
While there is a place in politics for such negativity, it doesn't belong in any inter-religious discussion because (1) by questioning the validity of another's faith, you're questioning the core of his soul and total system of beliefs -- people don't like that, and (2) it really serves no purpose. Let's expand a bit on this.
Let's assume for a moment that you logically prove (as menj was trying to do) that Christianity, as a results of Paul's "bad tree, therefore bad fruit", is wrong. Your logic is not going to matter to a single God-fearing Christian; you may be "right" but still be "wrong" to them. The only conclusive result, therefore, will be ill will and friction. And, really, who needs that in today's world when there is already more than enough ill will and friction to go around.
As a final note, perhaps i will throw my hat into the discussion menj has created: the "bad fruit" menj mentioned is not exclusive to any single religion. You've got some pretty nasty Muslims out there too. You've also got some very, very good Christians too. The colour of your faith does not determine your character, your actions or your morality. Its not religion that makes us good or bad; its what we choose to make religion do for us that does. At the end of the day, God judges us all, and He will judge us fairly.
Jeff Ooi stumbled into something particularly interesting today: both Kerry and Bush are members of an ultra-elite society, the Skulls and Bones, buried deep in their common pasts as Yale graduates. This is the stuff conspiracy theories are made of, i tell you!
Alexandra Robbins, the author of "Secrets of the Tomb" had this to say about the Skulls and Bones:
"The Ivy League is full of societies and clubs, some public and some very private. But none is as secret as Yale's infamous Skull and Bones. Founded in the nineteenth century and housed in an ominous crypt-like building referred to as the "Tomb," Skull and Bones secretly taps for membership a small number of Yale students each year. All are sworn to secrecy about what goes on inside the Tomb, and about how powerful the organization really is. Rumors abound. It has been said that Bonesmen (as its members are known) are so protective of the organization's secrets that they must leave the room if the words "Skull and Bones" are uttered. It has been said that the Tomb contains stolen relics such as Geronimo's skull. It has been said that upon graduation from Yale each member is given a substantial sum of money with numerous strings attached. It has even been said that Skull and Bones is the dark heart of the secret world government. People point to a suspicious number of Bonesmen who have gone on to positions of power and influence, deserved or not, including George W. Bush, his father George H.W. Bush, United States Senators, CIA officials, cabinet members, and numerous heads of major international corporations."
I've written about anger management before -- a particular important posting in the history of the VOI for my own reasons. Baizura sent me an email today; it spoke of the Prophet's will just before he passed away: one of the things he asked of Muslims was that we control our anger. A particularly poignant lesson considering how much anger there is in the Muslim world today, some of it justified but much of it not.
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was not a pacifist -- he knew when to fight a good fight. But, in his Wisdom, i think he rightly identified one of mankind's largest flaws: our inability to keep our emotions in check. And the most destructive emotion we have is "anger". Its only purpose is destruction, pain and chaos.
Yesterday was a blur, induced by a massive binge-ing episode. Everyone guy has their own little pet obsession -- for some it might be their cars (a very expensive hobby), for others they obsess over the stereo or hi-fi sets. For many others still and for me, its my Play Station 2, and a particularly addictive soccer game in particular.
Consider this. What other device can make you do this:
- forget to eat
- use eye-mo to moisten the eyeball
- forget to sleep
- the only other destination in the house becomes the toilet, and that only at half-time
- forget your friends and girlfriend (she calls and you hang up)
Thankfully, i rarely have time to indulge in this throwback-hobby from my younger days. But once in a while the "fever" still grips me and refuses to let go when It knows i have nothing else pressing to do.
I wonder whether the ladies have similar obsessions? Very few i know share the same obsessions most men do, but surely the female gender has their own general little vices. :)
I still can't stop laughing as i write this. I've just read 3 of the most hilarious true stories i've come across is a long time! If you feel like taking a short break and exercise those jaw muscles, you need not look any further:
An Idiot's Guide to Washing a Cat
The first thing you must do is corner your kitties, and lock them in the bathroom. Good luck chasing them down; somehow they know evil is afoot and will run like they have a jalepeno up their little cat butts in an effort to escape you. Do not attempt an open-field tackle, they'll just make you look stupid.
Amazing Feat of Stupidity #12
Many times in life you do stupid things unintentionally -- but greatness is reserved for the stupid things you do on purpose. Always striving for greatness, I took it upon myself to accomplish an amazing feat of stupidity.
How to troubleshoot fax machines
This of course left only one issue. What to do with that decrepit old beast, the FAX MACHINE. First thoughts were of high windows, but that would be too quick, too impersonal, and besides, David Letterman has done that to death. Next, vehicle impacts. I liked it. Still a little too quick, but the contact felt right. We had to be up close and personal. I wanted to hear that machine BEEEEEP for mercy.
Listening to "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger; a fun book with a particularly unique premise: "They first met when she was 6 and he was 36. They were married when she was 20 and he was 28." -- full of humour, its a classic love story told with a twist.
I came across this somewhere and thought that it was terribly romantic; reading it, and understanding its meaning really touched me.
"Old habits die hard, and my old habit of keeping you close to my mind and heart will probably die last of all."
I've always loved reading books, my parents made sure of that. But lately, with work and all, time is limited. Perhaps the only time i truly have to myself nowadays is time spent in the toilet, time spent in the car shuttling from here to there, and those precious few minutes before sleep claims me each night.
Now that free time can be put to good use; thank God for Audible.com, the leading light in downloadable audio books. Just pop the latest book into my iPod and listen away. Its much more fun than i thought it would be and i notice going through a book by listening to it rather than reading it is much, much faster. Its almost as though i'm being told a story. Fun and easy.
*Listening to Bill Clinton's "My Life" now, read by Bill himself. Its a nice listen; his life has been tremendously rich, full of event and intent. The book clues us in to the reasons behind the man and the decisions he would eventually make as the President of the United States.
Baizura, that wonderful girlfriend (and future wife, insyaAllah) of mine who loves me terribly dearly (the feeling is mutual, i assure you), recently called me a "dompot-dompot".
Personally, i think its absolutely cute-sy, eventhough i haven't a clue as to its meaning. A nice little manja-manja name for me. Thanks, babe. :)
We've all heard about the Axis of Evil. Well, Malaysia is being introduced to the Axis of Maxis -- its Customer Service, its Brand Promise, its Business Ethics, and its COO, a Singaporean named Edward Ying.
Jeff Ooi has really been taking the mickey out of them, bless their poor souls, ever since Maxis tried (unsuccessfully) to placate (or bribe??) him with a box of Chocz. This exchange of broadsides will make a very interesting case study -- can a blog have a significant impact on Big Business? So far, it seems that Jeff has been stinging away incessantly like a gnat at this giant elephant, but the stings are beginning to hurt and get pretty annoying.
It might not be long before the Axis of Maxis decides to strike back. If that happens, instead of being scared, Jeff Ooi being Jeff Ooi will probably laugh his head off. His point has been proven: blogs and cyberactivism can make a difference. That is certainly an applaudable feat.
I've spent years trying to figure out how to make that perfect cup of milo. Recent recipes have included:
1. Use a little bit of lukewarm water to initially dissolve the milo powder. Once a thick paste is formed, then add hot water and condensed mild to taste. Result: Not bad.
2. Dissolve condensed milk first into cup of hot water. Then, add milo. Stir. Result: Not bad.
3. Add milo powder, add condensed milk. Add hot water. Stir. Result: Too straight forward. Creates a "boring" cuppa.
Through experience, i've found the perfect cost-to-quality ratio for the amount of milo powder to be used for a standard 250ml mug is about 3 heaped teaspoons. Any less and the drink tastes bland. Any more, and its a waste since the powder won't fully dissolve and you'll end up with choc gum at the bottom of the cup (which is a pain to wash out too).
Two tablespoons of condensed milk is just about right. If you want something a bit creamier, just dump in another tablespoon of Coffee Mate (it really works!).
Even after observing her do it, and my own experiments, i still haven't figured out how mum used to make milo for me (she still does it for my dad, i'm sure). Her milo drink would have bits of milo choc (undissolved) floating on the surface. When you drink it, you then get little bursts of milo tastes; like mini choc nuggets in your drink. Yummy.
So have you had your mug of milo lately? :)
Bill Clinton's "My Life" looks like its a very interesting read. I think i will most definitely buy it when Kinos eventually puts it on sale.
A short excerpt from the book that i totally agree with:
"I learned a lot from the stories my uncle, aunts, and grandparents told me: that no one is perfect but most people are good; that people can't be judged only by their worst or weakest moments; that harsh judgments can make hypocrites of us all; that a lot of life is just showing up and hanging on; that laughter is often the best, and sometimes the only, response to pain."
Read what the Washington Post thought of it.
Its important to tell the person that you love the complete truth, and i should have been more honest with Baizura, rather than let her find it out herself.
Women sometimes act in very strange ways. They know the man they are interested in is happy in a long term relationship, and yet they try to take what is not theirs. They should listen the first time they are told to stay away. Then perhaps problems down the road will not occur.
As it is, problems have occured, and its not the fault of the couple (though i accept some responsibility in the matter); its the fault of the woman who stuck her nose in where it didn't belong.
ps. S**, pls stop calling me or sms'ing me in the middle of the night. Don't bother my life anymore.
Itchy Hands got me thinking. And the below are my thoughts.
Perhaps a simple way to defuse the controversy his posting started would be for each of us (bloggers, i mean), to ask ourselves: who do you write for? Who are your audience?
When i first started writing, i wrote for the audience -- the attention whore i was, the sleepless nights figuring out what would make good reading for the people who visited my blog. Any spike in the ol' Track-o-Meter would send my pulse racing and lead to more of the same. Same old, same old. In fact, i too, once upon a time, had ideas about what a blog was and should be (looking back now, its easy to laugh at my error).
Nowadays, i really couldn't give a flying woosh who reads or doesn't read the VOI. I know the VOI is still kinda useful to the general blogging public, what with the Great Malaysian Blog List and all. But the words contained in its electronic pages are more for me now than they ever were before. Sometimes, i write for her, most times i write for myself, and every once in a while, i write something for everyone. But its mostly for me, and that's perfectly ok too, IMHO.
Try writing for yourself sometime and you'll discover that it really doesn't matter anymore whether anyone cares what you write, good or bad.
A well respected blogger recently wrote:
"Programmes such as Akademi Fantasia, Malaysian Idol or Audition present scantily clad young men and women who dream of becoming stars and their talents (or sometimes, even the lack of it) are broadcasted nation-wide. People who are supposed to represent the future of our country are being fed with mindless entertainment!"
Mindless entertainment? As opposed to what? Educational entertainment? Well, a bit of Travel Channel (which has scenes of scantily clad women too -- did anyone see that episode of Rio de Janeiro last week?) and National Geographic (worse -- there was an episode that showed two horses having graphic sex! Horrors!) once in a while is fine; but otherwise, "educational entertainment" just ceases to be entertainment after not too long.
The whole definition of entertainment revolves around the "release" of stress; in fact, by this definition, it almost needs to be "mindless". Now, while its true that some people prefer the sweet melodies of Quranic verses read aloud to achieve this release, that, surely, can't be and shouldn't be a universal prescription. For some people, "scantily dressed men and women" (which is, in the first place, an unfair description of how the budding artists of AF dress -- i do believe Astro takes great pains to ensure their modesty) is their idea of fun, its their way of seeking release. To each their own, and more power to them.
