I've been trying to find information on the internet related to the custom of "hantaran" in a wedding; haven't been very successful. The best source i've found is this:
"Ada di kalangan masyarakat kita yang masih keliru antara mas kahwin dan hantaran. Realitinya, terdapat perbezaan yang ketara antara keduanya. Mas kahwin ialah pemberian wajib daripada suami kepada isterinya dan mas kahwin itu disebutkan semasa akad sama ada dibayar secara tunai atau hutang. Sementara hantaran ialah hadiah daripada suami kepada isterinya dan juga hadiah daripada isteri kepada suaminya iaitu saling bertukar hadiah sebagai tanda setuju dengan perkahwinan tersebut. Hantaran juga bukanlah perkara wajib tetapi hanyalah satu hukum adat."
Interesting -- does that mean that whatever value of gifts the groom gives his bride, a similar or equal value should be given by the bride to her groom?
Mas kahwin, or mahr, on the other hand is very much one way traffic -- its a sum of money paid by the groom to his bride to secure her hand in marriage. She does not need to pay anything in return. Although each state in Malaysia has predetermined the minimum value of the mas kahwin, there is apparently no maximum value.
"Kaum wanita berhak untuk meminta jumlah mas kahwin yang bersesuaian dengan dirinya tetapi bukanlah keterlaluan hingga menyebabkan bakal suami terpaksa berhutang. Di zaman Saidina Omar, ketika beliau cuba menetapkan kadar mas kahwin, bangun seorang wanita mempertikaikan cadangan beliau lantaran di dalam al-Quran jelas mengatakan mas kahwin adalah hak mutlak wanita. Saidina Omar akhirnya akur dengan pendapat wanita tersebut dan tiada ketetapan dibuat."
Having said that, its important to note that eventhough the mas kahwin is a woman's right, she shouldn't ask for an amount that unduly burdens her prospective husband. I've heard horror stories of men going into debt to pay the mas kahwin demanded by their wives; that can't be a good thing.
"Sememangnya terdapat hadis yang menjelaskan bahawa antara ciri-ciri wanita sholehah ialah apabila nilai mas kahwinnya rendah. Namun, harus diingat, Islam adalah bertepatan dan bersesuaian dengan setiap keadaan dan masa. Mas kahwin sepatutnya adalah sesuatu yang mampu memberi nilai kepada seorang isteri. Jika mengikut pengamalan sekarang, apakah yang boleh dibuat dengan RM22.50?"
Further reading: How to: A Malay Wedding
UPDATE: Found another interesting tid-bit that seems to put a different spin on the concept of hantaran:
"Sememangnya terdapat perbezaan di antara mas kahwin dan hantaran. Mas kahwin adalah merupakan pemberian wajib tetapi hantaran lebih merupakan hadiah kepada isteri. Ia adalah tidak wajib. Menurut akad kita, wang hantaran merupakan bantuan bagi pihak isteri untuk `belanja kahwin'. Ia dapat mengurangkan beban isteri dan keluarga isteri dalam membuat persiapan majlis perkahwinan. Ia juga boleh dianggap sebagai hadiah kepada isteri yang kini bakal menjadi pasangannya."
This tends to throw a real curve-ball into the dynamics of a wedding -- the broom therefore becomes partly responsible for the cost of the wedding conducted by the bride and fully responsible for the costs of the wedding conducted by his side of the family; in traditional customs, there are at least two wedding venues, one catering for the friends and family of the bride, and the other, perhaps a week later, catering for the groom's.
Looking at this -- does that mean that a groom needs to have enough money for 3 items:
1. His bride's mas kahwin -- there is no maximum value to this!
2. His brides's hantaran -- there is no maximum value to this either, but its somewhat mitigated by custom requiring the bride to return the gifts with items similar or greater value
3. Contribution to his bride's "belanja kahwin" -- again, there is no maximum value to this. Depending on how large the bride wants her wedding to be, and also how much her ownself, and family are willing to contribute to that wedding from their own finances, this contribution could potentially be very large (or very small). Interesting to note that no such contribution is required from the bride for the groom's wedding costs.
