A good friend of mine came over for drinks and a smoke, and we talked about how married life was treating him. Recently wed just 8 months ago, he didn't look all that happy about it for some reason. Deeper probing revealed a surprising truth: his wife wanted too much sex.
Every night, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day on weekends, she wanted him again and again, over and over. As you can imagine, this was fine in the beginning and even desirable, considering how much he enjoyed it at first (both were virgins at marriage, as far as i've been told). But now, after 8 months of no respite, he looked sad in admitting that it was taking a toll on him.
Its affecting his work, his relationship with his friends (she expects him to be home when they get back every night, and holds him to ransom: sex or she gives him the cold shoulder), its almost come to the point where he tries to find more work to do (they both work at banks and already work long hours) so that he can have an excuse to come home late with the hope that she'll be asleep when he does.
He tries very hard not to blame her for this situation they are in. He blames, in part, the kursus kahwin, for making sex with his wife boring -- they only have sex one position, the one "endorsed" by Islam, very technical, very straightforward, and almost without passion, at least for him. She expects him to do his duty, and though its satisfying for him and for her, he doesn't take pleasure in it as much as she obviously does.
He's spoken to her about it, she's tried to be reasonable, but its difficult for her. She finds him irresistable, she's almost insatiable, and he just doesn't have the sexual drive to keep up with her.
As i listened carefully to all the details, it would have almost been funny, if he wasn't so serious. Its almost unbelievable, and coming from anyone else, it would have been easy to dismiss it as a hoax. I've met them on various occasions, even during their wedding, and she doesn't seem the type: very shy and quiet, reserved and particularly careful in what she says or does in public.
I suggested counselling, but he doesn't know who to see; and of course the embarassment of it all would be too much. His wife would find it very difficult to open up on such matters to a counsellor.
I suggested he take the lead in spicing things up, at least for his sake; then sex with his wife wouldn't be such a chore. Plan romantic getaways to the islands off the East Coast, come home early for once and make her a candlelit dinner, perhaps visit our special friends in Petaling Street and get some porno flicks -- he nodded in agreement, then asked me a very pertinent question: how long would he be able to keep it up? Spicing things up take tremendous effort, and while he could do it for a while, its probably something he couldn't persist in indefinitely, especially if she continues to want sex every night, or in the mornings before they shower for work.
We sat there quietly for a long moment, watching the smoke curl up to the ceiling from our cigars. Quietly, we were both thinking. Him, perhaps of what awaited him at home after he left my place. Me, about this posting i'm writing right now.
What would i do, if i were him? What would you do?
Further reading: Perhaps, in order to better understand the sexual psyche of the Malaysian society, someone should conduct a study akin to the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Kinsey_Reports. Looking at the evidence of my friend's predicament, and what i know from others, i think the findings of such a study would be much more surprising that anyone could possibly imagine.
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